5 steps to manifesting healthy boundaries!

How could you do this to me?

Who do you think you are?

How many times are we gonna have the same conversation over and over again?

You make me so angry.

I only did THIS because you're always doing THAT, and you and you're and you you you...!!

Sound familiar? We all have done it, including me at times!

But we all have unwritten expectations on what exactly we are looking for in our relationships, of course..Who wouldn't?

We want to be treated with respect,

We want to be shown, love,

We want to feel so insanely special, and we all deserve to experience this!

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But here is the thing all my lovelies...We can't expect this to be a part of our lives if we are always hot and cold, back and forth, and yep...super inconsistent with ourselves. I have found that I can achieve the greatest success in my all my relationships by showing up for myself, FIRST! No doubt this can be a great challenge if we aren't used to prioritizing ourselves...I know you might be wondering "How could I be that selfish to put my own needs before my family and relationships?" "It's ok, I can hack through it, but XYZ needs me more." ... no no no friends... these are some of the causes of mental and emotional burnout. When you can realize that you actually can't handle it even if it feels like you can, this is a HHUUGGEE step towards healing wounds and hurts that haven't been touched in years.

So before we get into the 5 steps to manifesting these boundaries, let's understand why we are currently doing what we're doing to better understand how to move past these limitations we no longer want in our lives.

For starters, we try solving other people's problems

Comforting hands to show empathy, love, and boundaries

because we're actually having a difficult time solving our own, so we use this compensation method as an alternative because it isn't as hurtful or triggering to have to face.

This is exactly why so many of us have ALLLL the answers to everyone else's problems, but not our own for this one reason alone, that other people's issues are less of a threat to our ego and our past traumas. It's scary to face alone, so of course there's resistance to it. But what if you had a coach who has been through all this already? What if you had someone to hold the space for you like emotional training wheels to get you started and prepared for the real deal? Imagine the success you could have by letting someone with amazing answers and rare tools help you make new permanent lifestyle changes! Pretty freakin powerful, friends... Give no advice that you yourself are having a difficult time acting on or understanding! Just stop.

We also got used to taking on others' emotions like it's ours. ...

Taking on the emotions of others under codependency

But it is not!!!! We have been conditioned for so long that it's ok to handle other people's and loved ones' problems simply because we have experience handling our own and we can do it better than they can...This is actually enabling, not helping...You know the whole story of give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but teach him how to fish and let him eat for a lifetime? This is because the time we invested in them was geared towards inspiring independence, not co-dependence.

This is a good rule of thumb to live by. The next time you are in a situation where your boundaries feel like they might be crossed, ask yourself if the next action you are about to take will spark their need to continue relying on you, or themselves. This is the contrast between inspiring independence vs. enabling co-dependence.

Another highly impactful reason we allow boundaries to get crossed is that we are still seeking the approval of others.

Seeking approval is not an act of self love, but self denial

Well, is this gonna make your head spin for the rest of your life or what? Ask yourself, when was the last time I was seeking approval for anything outside myself? What was that waiting period like for me? Was it pleasant, or tedious? Was it even worth it looking back on it? Probably not! Speaking confidently, there is NEVER a good reason to seek approval from others. Why? Because not only do you not know what others have completely been through or are currently struggling with, but the only person you can depend on is truly yourself, but here's the issue at hand...How on Earth can you feel confident enough to lean on your own love and self-approval when you feel emotionally/spiritually/mentally/physically handicapped? This is the main reason WHY we depend on others because we feel as if we simply don't have the ability to believe in our own self-acceptance, and therefore we depend on others to do it for us...I hate to break it to you, but if the feedback we are getting from others is causing a negative reaction within, then it's because they do not have a good concept of themselves either so why think we can gain this approval from them when they don't even approve of themselves??? Recipe for disaster

So what do we do??? let's review the steps! And keep in mind, they don't have to be in this order, but try it both ways if it helps...

Step one - Recognize that you are unconsciously living one of the three reasons mentioned above that are hindering your ability to set healthy boundaries.

Embracing love, light, and relationship filled with both dependence and independence

We can never move forward in our personal development if we can't see that a certain problem is in fact, well, a problem! It's the recognition of your emotional state upon a given event or experience you are going through that determines what is helping you grow, or causing you to break down.

Ever had a talk with a loved one that made you feel emotionally gross afterward? Have you felt drained, hurt, sad, disrespected, or questioned whether your feelings are 'legitimate' or 'valid' after or during the talk? If so, it's a good indicator that those boundaries have in fact been crossed, and your nervous system has now started creating a cocktail of hormones that make you feel gross so you can change something that is posing a threat to the mental and emotional state you desire. It's a mouthful I know, but it is incredibly powerful how carefully chosen words can oftentimes feel like they make or break us in the moment.

In order to begin the process of successfully setting boundaries, you need to come to this realization by being honest with yourself, and recognizing what you have been unconsciously allowing to gain access to your core beliefs and desires. This comes down to one of the fundamental topics I teach and help people transform...Self-concept. If you have a low self-concept of yourself, there is almost no filter in your life regulating what you let in and what you decide is not right for you...Here's an example. Let a hacker into the mainframe, prepare for a virus and a data breach, and a corrupt system. Let the IT guy in, however, and you get solutions to every problem the system is facing.

Your self-concept is the reason you have low boundaries. By improving your core beliefs, you allow the entire reality outside of you to shift effortlessly. Those people who once took advantage of you will never do so again because they are now operating as a mirror of your new self-concept. You will be protected by your amazing new concept of yourself.

Step two - Begin seeking approval and love from yourself first and foremost.

Love yourself before you can love others

There isn't a better person on Earth, (believe me, I've tried) who can approve of and love you more than you, cliche as it sounds...The reason it feels so impossible is that we haven't been shown or taught how to do that. What does it even look like to love yourself? Is it a year of mannies, peddies, massages, and vacations?? I don't even know if I spelled those right, but although all of that sounds like absolute heaven, that's just superficial love, and it won't mean a thing until we transform the hurt and trauma from within.... START HERE WITH THESE TWO!!

Master Self Love Guided Meditation

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By diving in and really, I mean really loving yourself, you will begin to feel sensations of freedom, new external and possibly even core beliefs, and the energy you had been putting towards gaining the approval of others will begin to fade away and not seem so important any longer!

Step three - Make a list of the things which make you feel like your boundaries are being violated.

Making a list of your boundaries is an act of self love

This is a very powerful step, but it can be very challenging for many people. It takes raw honesty with yourself to come up with this one, and now is the perfect time to discover this process! manifesting healthy boundaries means it starts with you! The one who is completely capable or radiating love and light each and every day!!

Start thinking back to 2 or 3 events where you can distinctly remember feeling like your boundaries might have been crossed during a conversation. This would be remembered as feeling unheard, disrespected, disregarded, minimized, or even people doing things like invading your space or imposing themselves upon you because they know you won't speak up. This can help you get started on perfect communication skills so you can experience what it's like finally being able to speak your mind without worrying or over-censoring yourself!!!

What makes this a difficult but INCREDIBLY rewarding step is really sitting with yourself, thinking of these events, and feeling whether or not this is something you are or aren't willing to take anymore...The "I've had it" stage! This is not a bad stage to be in as long as you begin taking the action needed to resolve this. An example list might look like this:

I don't like it when Jenny always interrupts me when I am speaking. It makes me feel like she isn't listening and only wants to dump her problems on me... SOLUTION...Next time I will say this "Jenny, it makes me feel like I am not being heard when you interrupt me...Could you wait until I finish talking so you can share your thoughts?" BOOM!!! Very kindly and politely ROASTED!! LOL
Brian always comes over and helps himself to whatever is in my pantry/fridge or whatever other things. SOLUTION...Next time say "Hey as much as I love to see you fill up on the goods, could you just ask me instead?" NOTE: you NEVER have to explain yourself unless you want to, but if you feel like you have to, refrain from doing so for a while until explaining doesn't feel triggering any longer.

These are a few examples, so dive in, and meditate on this to discover what makes you feel like your boundaries are being crossed. You may lose people along the way, and that's actually a good thing because you only want those around you who will respect you no matter what...You deserve it!!

Step four - Never make excuses for why you shouldn't assert boundaries at the moment it is called for.

No more excuses for yourself or others by following through on your boundaries

"Well, I am sure she didn't mean it that way, I am just being overly sensitive...I need to stop overthinking it and just let them do whatever they are going to do...This is just how they are, I can't control that..."

If any of this sounds familiar or similar to what your thoughts are in a moment of challenging boundaries, chances are your self-respect is diminished, or possibly non-existent...So let's pull it back out of the lake and revive it once again. It is likely that this was learned early on. My husband George went through this his entire childhood. If he asserted his boundaries, he was punished. So what was the response in adulthood? Don't assert your boundaries because you will end up hurt, shut down, and abandoned...I mean I can go on forever here.

Every time you make an excuse for why it's ok to let others cross your boundaries, it's an invitation to completely disregard yourself which in turn causes you to lose a beautiful piece of yourself...It's time to regain and recapture that version of yourself that isn't afraid to lose what's outside of you, because the good news is, this is the stuff that can be replaced quickly and easier than you think! There is only one of you though, preserve her/him with all your heart and soul!

Step five - Surrender the need to be right, and embrace the desire to be freed, loved, and accepted...BY YOURSELF FIRST AND ONLY!

This comes down specifically more towards feeling like you have to explain yourself, your actions, your thoughts and feelings, and your belief systems. It's a conversation we have all had with others where we felt like we needed to get the other person to understand things how we see it not how they interpreted it. We do this unconsciously to preserve how others think about us, and rightfully so because we seek to be loved and this is natural. However, it only sticks when you are the first person you love, otherwise, it will never feel like enough for us and we will be constantly chasing instead of realizing that you are already loved by the most important person in your life...YOU!!

More important than others completely understanding you, it is more important to make the decision to become satisfied and ecstatic with who you are! There are very effective ways to do this, and I have just the solution for you... let's work together, and wait no longer my loves! This is your time to shine, so learn all you can here and take your life back into your hands to have all that you have been dreaming of and desiring!

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I manifested my husband during impossible events, and we are eternally in love

So it’s only natural that we put boundaries into place in close relationships. manifesting healthy boundaries is a way to not only self acceptance, but self love!

We want people to make us feel good and treat us the way we expect to be treated.

We hope our loved ones will give us quality time.

We hope our partner will stay faithful.

We hope to be chosen first.

As we all know, people don’t always act the way we want them to. How we feel isn’t always at the forefront of peoples’ minds.

But what if I told you that you can put boundaries into place, without even telling the other person?

And it all starts with yourself.

If you’re not treating yourself well, there’s no reason to expect others to. The first step to putting boundaries in place is to begin acting as you want the other person to treat you, first. We teach people how to treat us.

So put some self-love work in, my loves! (I have an eBook for sale on my website NOW that teaches you how to do that, btw)

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30 Days To Master Self Love E-Book

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To the ladies reading, what if I told you that I could help HEAL your TRAUMA in just a few months!?

How would that FEEL?

100 percent of my clients get some level of healing within such a short period of time and pain-free!

NO more struggling!

Doesn't that sound amazing?

Once you heal that trauma and overcome your limiting beliefs you will attract so much into your life effortlessly!

Love, Money, Health, and more!